I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
