If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
That's how pantless uber rides happen
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
