Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
