can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Banned from zoo.
Again?
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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