dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Women Are Tweeting Photos Of Their Underwear To Support Rape Victim Whose Thong Was Cited During Trial
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
21 ‘Don’t Say It’ Tweets That Are Gonna Get Said Every Damn Time
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.