I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
