Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
gay sex achievement: unlocked
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.