dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
there is puke in my bra ... again
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
