Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
