i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
