This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
