it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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