Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
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