Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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