I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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