Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
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