OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I just forgot I was standing up.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
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