i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
