I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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