You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
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