I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
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