but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
