nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
