what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
