walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Randomize
