the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
