you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
