hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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