im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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