i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Randomize
