I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
