I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Threesome in a minivan. New low
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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