I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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