When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
