SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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