he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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