I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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