so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
