We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize