In the future we'll all be gay
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
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