It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Randomize
