cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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