it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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