This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Randomize
