The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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