Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
