Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
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