i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
