If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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