i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
