Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Randomize
