he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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