oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
