A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
PS: I just woke up from my shower
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Randomize
