Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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