i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
