There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
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