You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
