The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
