btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
