69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
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