Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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